I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
