haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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