Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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