I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
