you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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