Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
