it wasn't lemon gatorade
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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