listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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