Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
