Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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