Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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