I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Couch. On fire.
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