the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
