Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
