No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
