We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
