I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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