Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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