I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
