the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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