He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
