Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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