i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
