I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
