2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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