Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
