Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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