There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
