I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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