When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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