I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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