We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
