yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
