If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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