I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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