Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
