I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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