i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
