she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
