apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
