Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did you pee in the oven last night??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
