If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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