bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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