Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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