my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
