I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
