How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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