Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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