batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
