And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
