she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
